The Story of the Master of Sellotape

At the moment he's unemployed. He's looking for work at offices around the country. He'll refill all empty sellotape-holder things when they're empty. When the price of sellotape fell during the recession of office goods in the '90s, the Master of Sellotape bought sellotape, a hell of a lot of sellotape and single-handedly saved several plcs on the stock exchange. Unfortunately for our hero, after all this buying up of cheap sellotape, stocks and shares he now has no money. He lives in an alleyway in Tulsa with 1,200 boxes of Sellotape (TM) and other imitation sticky-tape.

He still feels that there is a gap in the market for his service after ten years into this enterprise project. At one stage he even hired a marketeer, not realising that they're actually demons in disguise. Could you imagine a world with sellotape? If not, call the Master of Sellotape! is the slogan the prick created. The Master still had to give him $100 worth of sellotape for it. The Master is still currently living in the Tulsa area with some fat guy with a green shirt. Who'd have thought it?

But why, of all things, would a man have an obsession with sellotape and work so hard for the global markets?

Originally from Kinnegad, the Master of Sellotape had it rough growing up. The patriarchal society put pressure on the boys to be tough and dominant. Their genetic make-up would make them do this anyway but societal pressures also existed and didn't help either. Our hero was no good at sports and had a stammer. Clearly, he was going nowhere in the hierarchy of boys in Kinnegad.

Sellotape hadn't been long invented when Master of Sellotape was in fifth class. The sellotape-ball was all the rage that particular year (similar to other fads like yo-yos or pogs) and the boys would have spent their pocket-money on rolls of sellotape in the local family shop.

Sellotape-balls were highly entertaining for the hard, high-ranking boys. For the runts of the boys, they were devastating in all respects. They met barrage after barrage of sellotape-balls each morning and afternoon. They didn't hurt very much but it was a kind of social torture. In Master of Sellotape's class, only one boy got it worse than he did. This boy's name was Georgie Porgie. Nobody ever seemed to like Georgie. By most accounts, he's now in Russia campaigning relentlessly for a Russian nuclear assault against the United States of America and The Kinnegad GAA club.

For Georgie, the sellotape-ball treatment was only one of the many ways that he was shunned by the town. And then there's those other things which, for several reasons, we won't mention.

In the case of Master of Sellotape, the sellotape-ball incidents had a deep affect in his mind. He still respected the other boys for their clear hunting ability. Therefore, he placed the blame on their weapon of choice. He blamed the sellotape-ball for his misfortune in social circumstances. This may sound bizarre, but within the confines of the world of fiction, it's one-hundred percent true.

The Master of Sellotape spent his teenage years researching sellotape (know your enemy), quietly saving money from working in O'Neills public house and building up his strength and stamina on the town racetrack.

In the year of the sellotape market recession, he had enough resources to go to Wall Street. Economics classes came in handy at this point, although he couldn't really remember any particular class that he hadn't fallen asleep in within twenty minutes.

The story continued from ther euntil he hitched a ride from a trucker to Tulsa after a dard night's drinking.

So, that's the early life of the purely fictional man that they call the Master of Sellotape. Coincidentally enough a young, Irish adult has named a blog "Master of Sellotape". It's unknown if the blog is named after our hero. There's no mention of sellotape . "It's just a silly name," according to the blog. http://cheapsellotape.blogspot.com/.